I learned how to be a great friend for someone. I learned how to listen. I also learned how to care so much for someone. I learned to have more patience when it comes to friendships. When a friend is sad, esp. my best friend, I always try my best to be the friend who is caring and ready to listen. or when I saw them somewhere, I see to it, that i say 'Hi!' to them or 'Hello!' just so they wont get mad or feel like i dont care.. When there's something so good or bad that has been going on with me, i see to it that i tell them every detail and that they know everything that has been going on with me! And when I have a new friend or just someone I met, I also want my old dear friends to meet them and be close to my new found friends.. but it seems to me that when everything turns upside down..it goes the opposite way. I dont want to be the 'selfish friend'..and i try my best to be the understanding one. But i just cant help it! It's freakin hard to keep it up when you cant feel any appreciation from them. you know when someone says..'I am sorry, im just so not expressive'..yah i get that, but then your feelings can also be expressed by actions. Just a simple effort from someone that any person cares about, can really have a huge impact to someone who truly cares. I am still trying to be a good friend. It's tough.It's complicated. But God did everything for us. He forgave us..so why cant we? right?.. oh dear God, help me.

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I really have to get over this feeling. All my life i just want to feel like im so not different from anybody around me, but every time i look at myself in the mirror there's always something different that i see. What's worse is that they make me feel like so. Ever since i was a kid, i just want to do what everybody else can do. I wanna have the same ability.. Like when kids play, they can run fast and run until they can't hardly breathe.. I cant do that. And when i try to, my mom would be like 'Stop it, you'd get really exhausted and you just cant play like them'... I get tired easily. especially when it comes to those kind of activities. So, it's stuck in my head. 'I cant do this, I cant be that, I cant do that, I dont have the same strength as they have'... and even until now, i have this in my head. I am smart. I got that. They tell me that.. but there were times when even i am smart, i still dont get to reach my goal cause i need the ability to do the specific task! My hands are not perfect. My legs get stiff when it's tired. i cant do any difficult or heavy tasks like Laundry, Clean the house, or even a room! Carry heavy things, write a lot, run a mile or even just for ten meters they would be sarcastic telling me to go continue running cause i'd get tired like hell! Even when im with my 'friends', there are times when they can just bring me down without them noticing it. I just hate it when they 'remind' me or tell me about my limitations. it's just so freakin annoying! I already know my limitations..I know myself.. I just want to be normal for once! Everyday of my life i've been struggling with this kind of sickness. There's always something that's making me feel so low. I dont blame God for this. I accept for who I am and for what He has given me. He comforts me. He has healed me. and I thank God for everything. I just wish that somehow, people would see for what's inside of me. That, sometimes I feel inferior and i just need them to be with me and understand my heart ache. I tend ti be silent about this cause i know no person could ever understand and even if i tried to tell them, they wont get it! they have to feel the exact feeling to get me. I dont need them to criticize me, cause I myself, do that. I know what i should and should not do. I just need them to Listen to me. I've been listening to them forever.. and i always try to understand them, but i feel like, they never do the same thing.. Though I know God understands my heart's desires and my heart aches, but someone's understanding is a big encouragement for someone like me. I just need a sweet voice, telling me what i should do or be like.. i dont need a loud voice to tell me everything. This explains my snobbish character. It's because I always feel like no one ever gets me. They never cared.

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Why does it have to happen all over again!?
i know i didnt do anything wrong but they made me feel like i did!
losing a friend without forgiveness or understanding for each other is really sad.
ive lost someone very dear to my heart, and i feel like it's gonna happen again.


is it really that bad to be friends with you ex boyfriend?
even though your intentions are good?..
i just dont understand why they do that,

...it's just so sad.

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:)





.

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It's hard when someone you love doesn't want to bring back the friendship you had that was ruined.
I admit it was wrong to LOVE that person that much, but i regret it with my whole heart and that ended since then. But it's sad cause that person doesn't want to be friends with me again. And it's also hurts when the person that made your friendship ruin with that person is getting what you're wanting. AND it's also not fair cause all you want is just the good friendship you had! :'(
Only God knows what's really inside my HEART and what are my desires and wants and prayers especially for that PERSON.
I can't just get over with that person that was really a great friend. That person used to always made my day and help me out with something that im weak at. That person was really easy to talk to. You can tell that person everything and that person would just listen to you and comfort you.

I just want a friendship like that. again. with that person.
i just hope that person will forgive me.

:'(

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My ex-bf wanted to hang out with me, again, and i said yes. Maybe because the last time we saw each other we didnt have much time to talk, or we both felt awkward so i guess he just wanted to made it up and like hang out and have fun together. But I let him waited for me without showing up. i just thought that it was wrong to meet up with him. and again, he talked to me and asked if i wanted to go out again, without ditching, and i said yes, again. i really dont know why i said yes. When i got there, i was like 'ok....?why am i here?' and then he was just like staring at me. he didnt even say HELLO! and that got me pissed off.
one of our friends offered me a sit, but i refused. i talked to one of my former classmates, while i was looking at my ex, and him looking at me. at that time, i really didnt know why did he want me to come there if he's not gonna entertain or talk to me! i got upset, so i left, without him knowing it.
When i got home at my Lolo's house, he sent me a text asking where am i and why did i leave. i dont understand him. i cried, but i dont know why.
i did not talk to him for like 2-3 weeks after that happened.
and then one time, i was online and he was online he gave me a buzz. I really didnt know if i should talk to him cause i am MAD at him, but i did. maybe because to clear things up.
While he was talking, i was crying because he's making me feel bad and making my feeling for him worse! i didnt know if i made the right decision to leave. im mad at him and im mad with what he's doing!
i dont know. he just made me think that all guys are the same.



JERKS.

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i've been single for like a year i think, i dont remember. but it doesn't bother me not having a boyfriend. but to some, it is important to find a new love after grieving for their past love life.

how can i find new love if there's no guy proving to me that they're not like everyone else. when i say 'like everyone else', those are guys who just play on every girls' feelings, in other words, player. Guys who dont keep their promises, and guys who don't mean what they say! like saying 'i love you forever' , when they find someone who they think is BETTER than you they'd forget about it and leave you.
i just find it SICK! when my ex-boyfriend says something sweet or like he's trying to make me feel like he still likes me, i always tell him to stop it cause it's just worse when you know he really didnt mean what he said!!!

you know, if you're a guy, dont keep the girl's hopes up, if you'd just leave her,leave her now before it gets worse. But if you really love the girl, do what you need to do to not loose the girl.

For me, when someone say I LOVE YOU, it means you're willing to do everything just to make the girl happy and you are willing to be with her forever.
 YES. FOREVER!

being a PLAYER is so not cool. stop it. be serious. or forget about having a girlfriend. and always look beyond it, always try to imagine your future.

NOT having a boyfriend is totally not a big deal. you can be happy without them. guys will just make you cry, if you're a guy and you're reading this, prove me wrong.
focusing on what you do will help you forget about your past.
if there's TRUE LOVE, then good.

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:)

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