It's hard when someone you love doesn't want to bring back the friendship you had that was ruined.
I admit it was wrong to LOVE that person that much, but i regret it with my whole heart and that ended since then. But it's sad cause that person doesn't want to be friends with me again. And it's also hurts when the person that made your friendship ruin with that person is getting what you're wanting. AND it's also not fair cause all you want is just the good friendship you had! :'(
Only God knows what's really inside my HEART and what are my desires and wants and prayers especially for that PERSON.
I can't just get over with that person that was really a great friend. That person used to always made my day and help me out with something that im weak at. That person was really easy to talk to. You can tell that person everything and that person would just listen to you and comfort you.

I just want a friendship like that. again. with that person.
i just hope that person will forgive me.

:'(

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My ex-bf wanted to hang out with me, again, and i said yes. Maybe because the last time we saw each other we didnt have much time to talk, or we both felt awkward so i guess he just wanted to made it up and like hang out and have fun together. But I let him waited for me without showing up. i just thought that it was wrong to meet up with him. and again, he talked to me and asked if i wanted to go out again, without ditching, and i said yes, again. i really dont know why i said yes. When i got there, i was like 'ok....?why am i here?' and then he was just like staring at me. he didnt even say HELLO! and that got me pissed off.
one of our friends offered me a sit, but i refused. i talked to one of my former classmates, while i was looking at my ex, and him looking at me. at that time, i really didnt know why did he want me to come there if he's not gonna entertain or talk to me! i got upset, so i left, without him knowing it.
When i got home at my Lolo's house, he sent me a text asking where am i and why did i leave. i dont understand him. i cried, but i dont know why.
i did not talk to him for like 2-3 weeks after that happened.
and then one time, i was online and he was online he gave me a buzz. I really didnt know if i should talk to him cause i am MAD at him, but i did. maybe because to clear things up.
While he was talking, i was crying because he's making me feel bad and making my feeling for him worse! i didnt know if i made the right decision to leave. im mad at him and im mad with what he's doing!
i dont know. he just made me think that all guys are the same.



JERKS.

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i've been single for like a year i think, i dont remember. but it doesn't bother me not having a boyfriend. but to some, it is important to find a new love after grieving for their past love life.

how can i find new love if there's no guy proving to me that they're not like everyone else. when i say 'like everyone else', those are guys who just play on every girls' feelings, in other words, player. Guys who dont keep their promises, and guys who don't mean what they say! like saying 'i love you forever' , when they find someone who they think is BETTER than you they'd forget about it and leave you.
i just find it SICK! when my ex-boyfriend says something sweet or like he's trying to make me feel like he still likes me, i always tell him to stop it cause it's just worse when you know he really didnt mean what he said!!!

you know, if you're a guy, dont keep the girl's hopes up, if you'd just leave her,leave her now before it gets worse. But if you really love the girl, do what you need to do to not loose the girl.

For me, when someone say I LOVE YOU, it means you're willing to do everything just to make the girl happy and you are willing to be with her forever.
 YES. FOREVER!

being a PLAYER is so not cool. stop it. be serious. or forget about having a girlfriend. and always look beyond it, always try to imagine your future.

NOT having a boyfriend is totally not a big deal. you can be happy without them. guys will just make you cry, if you're a guy and you're reading this, prove me wrong.
focusing on what you do will help you forget about your past.
if there's TRUE LOVE, then good.

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:)

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Sittin' all alone in your room
Thinking that the world's let you down
All you ever wanted to do
is trust Someone to always be around

You've had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit you so hard
And I keep believing that someday you'll see
You don't have to be alone

There's somebody out there
somebody somewhere
To show you the tenderness you need
somebody to hold you
When worries control you
I'd give anything if only you knew it was me

I've been watching you go through
All of these things for a while
There's gotta be a way to bring you back
Cause it´s worth it when you smile

It doesn't have to hurt you forever
It doesn't have to last too long
If you're wondering where to turn to
I hope that you know

There's somebody out there
somebody somewhere
To show you the tenderness you need
somebody to hold you
When worries control you
I'd give anything if only you knew it was me

I wanna be there when you're in need
I would never be long if you were waiting
When you gonna see
If you could only see

There's somebody out there
somebody somewhere
To show you the tenderness you need
somebody to hold you
When worries control you
I'd give anything if only you knew it was me

I'd give anything for you
Anything at all
I think it's time that you knew it was me

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BELIEVE IN ME

"I'm losing myself
Trying to compete
With everyone else
Instead of just being me
I don't know where to turn
I've been stuck in this routine
I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful
Today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual
Ways you see
I just wanna believe in me

The mirror can lie
Doesn't show you what's inside
And it, it can tell you your full of life
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile...."




BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN

"It's been in the past for a while
I get a flash and I smile
Am I crazy
Still miss you, baby....

.....Now you've just become like everything
I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean...."



A LITTLE BIT LONGER

'"When I thought it'd all been done
When I thought it'd all been said
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine

But you don't know what you got
'Till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like
To feel so low
Every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don't even know
No no
You don't even know...


...Waitin' on a cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine...

...So I wait 'till kingdom come
All the highs and lows are gone
A little bit longer
And I'll be fine
I'll be fine"


UNCONDITIONAL || (God's love to us is unconditional)

"...I know that you always have
Been there looking up over my shoulder
Hope you'll be there when I get older
'Cause I'm depending on you
And when I go wrong it's okay
I'm not alone, you're there beside me
Confident 'cause I'm feeling you guide me
I couldn't do without you, no...

...You cover me with your love
So I know it's gonna be alright
I know it's gonna work out fine

There are sometimes when I'm running low
When I hear your voice like the radio
Lifting me up right to a better place
Where love is
Unconditional
When the world fights back
When this crazy train gets a bit off track
Remember your words
There's always another way
When love is Unconditional

You know me inside out
Know my good and bad but you still love me
So thank you for taking care of me
I know you'll always come through
When even though I might fall down
I don't know just how but you always pick me up
And I know you would never remind me
What would I do without you..."
------------------------------------------------------


if you know me well, you'll know why these songs can truly relate to me.

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DISGUISE...

People always see me laughing, smiling, like there's nothing that would make me really bad! but, behind those smiles or laughs is sadness;
I only cry when I'm alone especially at night.
Before, i was never like this. i became a little bit more emotional;

They think they know everything about me, but they don't. Only God does.
i can never show a sad face to anyone or even cry! i would rather cry it all out alone than cry to someone and tell what's wrong.


IMMATURE MUCH?!

i try so hard to be matured enough! maybe because someone told me that I'm so immature. and that's what everyone sees in me! ugh!!!



WHAT I WANT!

I'm tired of always being misunderstood! i want to move out and live a new life! i want a friend that is really easy to talk to. someone whom i can share my secrets with or problems....everything about me!





(blogging is just something that helps me make feel better. this is like my best friend, too. :] )

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no one understands about how i feel when talking about my sickness. i hate it! it makes me feel so emotional! and i really hate that feeling!

You don't know the feeling of having the sickness that i have. I don't feel like I'm a normal person. i can't do anything that would make me really tired, like, playing badminton, volleyball or any other sports! all i can play is board games! Computer games! and that sucks! you cant have much fun in your life. i just want to feel like im like everyone else...NORMAL people. even in finding schools for college, i cant go to universities! how i wish i could! that's why i am here in informatics..

my hands are not like any other. i cant wave like people do when they say 'hi' or 'goodbye'. i cant write too much cause my hands would get stiff. there are lots of things  i cant do that i wish i could!!!

i hate it when people insult me.
you just dont know it.
it's hard to feel like this everyday...

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